My Kind of Everett: Takeaways from A Year of Living Kindly

Earlier this month I did an event with author Donna Cameron about her book, A Year of Living Kindly. The event was hosted by the Everett Public Library and I had the pleasure of interviewing Cameron about her deep-dive into kindness.

In preparation for the conversation, I also read the book and had the opportunity to chat with Cameron multiple times leading up to the event. As we all transition into a new year, I thought I’d share my top takeaways in case you’d like to make 2021 your kindest year yet.

Recommitting every day

One of the first things that resonated with me was during Cameron’s year of living kindly she recommitted each day to being a kind person. This resonated because earlier this year I had started reciting the 5 principles of Reiki everyday. Each principle starts with the phrase, “Just for today, I will…” (one of the 5 principles is even, “Just for today, I will be kind to every living thing.”)

Daily commitment can often feel more approachable and real. Just like how something is “out of sight, out of mind,” recommitting to something daily keeps it fresh in the foreground. So whether you’re looking to be more kind in 2021, or nurture another attribute, recommit daily.

Being kind vs. being nice

This was something Cameron addressed early in the book and was also discussed at the event. The best summary I gleaned is that it boils down to intent. You can say the right things to a waiter that make you sound nice, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that you are being kind.

For example, asking a waiter, “how are you doing?” may be kind if you actually look them in the eye and truly listen, and see them. But if you immediately just keep talking, place your order and turn straight back to scrolling through your phone, you’re likely just going through the motions of being nice.

The difference is subtle, especially from the outside looking in. Only we know our intent and internal motivation of how we’re showing up to engage with the world. Kindness requires a type of intentionality and presence that “goes beyond the superficial,” as Cameron says. It’s about truly connecting.

When sharing on this topic, Cameron speaks of “abandoning lingering fears.” Real kindness, like all meaningful connections, requires risk. It takes guts to be kind.

Perform two acts of Kindness and call me in the morning

This was the title of a chapter, which I thought was brilliantly funny. Especially since a few days before I read it, I literally had experienced what the chapter talked about. I had randomly done two acts of kindness where I kind of put myself out there a little more than usual, and I felt absolutely fantastic that night, almost like a feeling of euphoria.

Cameron shares about studies that have shown physiological reactions and benefits the bodi’s biology undergoes when we do something kind. “When people perform acts of kindness, they benefit from a boost to the immune system and an increase in serotonin production (lack of serotonin leads to depression). The recipient of the kind act derives the same benefits, and, most surprising of all, people who merely witness an act of kindness get a similar boost.”

Kindness is contagious. How cool is that?

The Power of the Pause

“A timely pause maintains harmony.” This is right in line with a topic I have been practicing heavily this year which is mindfulness. Or improving my level of wakefulness, you could say. Neuroscience has shown that most of us live unconsciously most of the time. This is why a simple pause can be powerful, and help one be proactive and conscious rather than reactive and respond unconsciously. As one philosopher put it so well,

“Check yo self before you wreck yo self.” -Ice Cube

Kindness means suspending judgment

This is another one that has really resonated with where my heart has been this year. Cameron writes, “Am I made better by judging them? I suppose I have the satisfaction of being right, but I’ve come to learn that there’s a greater satisfaction in being kind.” Judgment is a hard habit to break, but breaking it creates space for joy and peace.

Lastly, I’ll just briefly touch on a few other themes that resonated. Gratitude is a companion to kindness, and Cameron recommends creating “gratitude triggers,” such as “every time you stop at a red light, think of something you’re grateful for.”

On kindness and vulnerability, Cameron shares, “if we suppress the negative emotions, we do the same to the positive ones.” And for a strategy on bringing more kindness into your life, I really liked Cameron’s idea of, “Awe Walks.” A walk that makes us feel connected to something greater than ourselves.

Maybe that is why the trees called me so heavily earlier this year.

There were lots more takeaways, but these were a few of my favorites. You can watch a replay of the event here, or buy A Year of Living Kindly here.